money, stability, and wellness of mind
those who say money cant buy happiness, to me, feel like people who have never spent a whole day hungry because their fridge was empty. or have never felt the humiliation of trying to buy a can of tuna at the sari-sari store[^1], with nothing but coins and finding out you're short by one peso. the walk back home, hungry and full of shame.
if money cant buy happiness it sure as hell can buy you stability. and having stability in your life sure as hell never hurt you.
pardon me visitors, today i am rather bitter and spiteful at the circumstances of which i am situated in. i am s fresh grad straight out of college and was lucky enough to have been able to find a job soon after it. but its so difficult to live paycheck to paycheck. every moment i am trying so hard to make sure my father and i have food on the table.
im frustrated, i work as soon as i wake up until i am ready to sleep. sometimes i feel so hopeless, like i am trapped in a deep hole that i did not make for myself.
everytime the doorbell rings violently, i am on edge, wondering if today is finally the day that my landlord comes over and kicks me and my dad on to the street. im always on the ends of my nerves because there is always a new man hollering at my door to look for my mother who owes them money.
my mother does not even live with me.
she does not spend money on me.
but she continues to borrow, steal, and trick dangerous men.
and she continues to send them to harass me in my home.
i just want to live in stability. i want to live but i am only surviving, barely keeping my head up from the water.
visitors i hope for nothing but wellness in your life. may you never experience this hell i am in. may your bellies always be full and your days free from hollering, dangerous men. may women like mother never reach you. may we all finally experience a world where we all can be stable.
how cruel this world can be. i wish for better days.